When I lost my husband, it felt like my entire world collapsed around me. The early days were a blur of overwhelming emotions and practical challenges that I was completely unprepared for. If you’ve recently experienced the loss of a spouse, I want you to know that whatever you’re feeling right now is valid. The pain is intense, and the shock is real, but there are ways to navigate this difficult time, even if it feels impossible right now.
- Numbness and Disbelief
In those first few days after my husband passed away, I was in complete shock. I felt numb, almost as if I were walking through life in a haze. The disbelief was so strong that part of me kept thinking I’d wake up from this nightmare, and he’d still be there beside me. I was able to function enough to make decisions about the funeral and talk to people, but it felt like I was on autopilot.
This numbness, I later learned, is the brain’s way of protecting us from the full weight of the grief all at once. It’s okay if you feel disconnected or like you’re just going through the motions. At the time, I wondered why I wasn’t feeling more, but eventually, I realized it was my body’s way of helping me cope.
- Waves of Overwhelming Emotion
As the numbness began to wear off, intense emotions would suddenly hit me out of nowhere. One moment I would feel like I was handling things, and the next, I’d be overwhelmed with grief. I remember being in the pet store, trying to buy dog food—something he always took care of. I realized I didn’t even know what kind we usually bought, and that small moment made his absence feel crushingly real. I had to leave the store because I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing.
These waves of emotion were so unpredictable, and it was exhausting. But over time, I learned that this is a normal part of grief. It’s okay to cry at unexpected moments, to feel angry, or to even feel numb again. I’ve learned that grief comes in waves, and we just have to ride them as they come.
- Practical Challenges in a Fog of Grief
In those early days, the emotional toll was overwhelming, but what made it even harder were the practical tasks I had to face. There were endless phone calls, funeral arrangements to make, stacks of paperwork that required my attention, and financial issues that felt impossible to deal with. All of this while I was in a fog, barely able to focus or make sense of what I was reading. Simple tasks that once seemed manageable felt like mountains I couldn’t climb.
During this time, I leaned heavily on my friends and family. They stepped in to help with everything—from organizing paperwork to bringing meals when I was too drained to function. If people offer help, let them. You don’t have to navigate this alone. I know it can be hard to accept help, but it’s essential when you’re too exhausted to think clearly. Also, avoid making any major decisions if you can. In the fog of grief, your mind needs time to settle before you tackle those bigger choices.
- Self-Care Isn’t Selfish
Read that again—self-care isn’t selfish! For a long time, I didn’t believe that. Grief had consumed me, and the thought of taking care of myself felt impossible, let alone taking care of my kids. Every part of me was exhausted—physically, emotionally, mentally. Even eating felt like a monumental task, and I had no energy for anything beyond just getting through the day. I was completely drained.
But as time went on, I realized that I couldn’t keep going like that. I had to start taking small steps, as impossible as they seemed. It wasn’t about grand gestures or trying to “fix” everything; it was about small, gentle acts of self-care. I started with the basics—forcing myself to eat a little, taking a shower, or just hiding in my room for a few minutes of quiet.
I wasn’t always able to sleep through the night, but I found that small routines helped me feel a bit more grounded. Making a cup of tea, sitting outside for a moment to feel the breeze on my face, even just breathing deeply—all these small things became lifelines when everything else felt like it was spiralling out of control.
- It’s Okay to Not Have All the Answers
One of the hardest parts of losing my husband was the panic I felt about the future. I kept asking myself, “How am I supposed to go on without him?” The truth is, I didn’t know. And you don’t have to know right now either. In those early days, I learned that it’s okay to not have all the answers. It’s okay to take things one day at a time, even one minute at a time.
I had to remind myself that healing wasn’t going to happen overnight. And while I couldn’t see a future without him, I learned that surviving each moment was enough for now.
Final Thoughts
Losing a spouse is one of the most devastating experiences anyone can go through. The early days are especially hard, but I want you to know that you don’t have to go through it alone. Lean on your support system, and take things one step at a time. It’s okay to feel lost right now, and it’s okay to not have it all figured out. Grief doesn’t go away, but with time, you’ll learn to carry it. Be gentle with yourself—you’re doing the best you can, and that’s enough for now.